We never get enough time with our pets. One day they're scratching up your best furniture or digging up your newly planted flowers and the next you're holding them in the vet's office for the last time. The emotional bond between pets and their owners is often stronger than any forged between people and the death of that pet can bring indescribable grief.
The relationship we have with our pets is very different from those we have with other people. Human relationships are complex. New relationships come and go. We may not see family members for long periods of time. People argue, demand our time and attention, and often think little of our feelings. Connections between people are complicated and conditional.
The relationship we have with our pets, however, is simple and straightforward. They ask little from us, except food, water, shelter, and love. The return, however, is enormous. Pets only want to love you. They are always there waiting for you, happy to see you no matter what kind of mood you're in. They listen to you rant and rave and blow off steam until you feel better without judging you. They're always ready to play outside or sit on the couch and watch television (and snack).
Pets offer emotional support. Studies show that having a pet helps your system decrease the amount of cortisol, a hormone that creates stress. That lessens your chances of having a heart attack, stroke, or high blood pressure. Besides this, pets are a great sense of joy and they just make you feel special.
It's for these reasons that the loss of a pet is particularly devastating. When a person dies, there is a wide array of emotions, including hurtful things done to one another and anger about unresolved issues. With a pet, however, the memories are almost all of pure love, and the pain is overwhelming. You feel like you will never get over it. However, you shouldn't try to push yourself. There are things you can do to help deal with the sorrow.
- Try not to pay too much attention to the “well-wishers” - People who have never owned pets may try to comfort you, but they have no idea what to say. They may say things like, “It was just a dog. It's not like it was a real person” “You can always get another one” or “You'll feel better in a couple of weeks.” They don't mean to hurt your feelings. Try to think of the intended kindness and not the comment.
- Don't try to wipe away their memory – Don't think you should push all thoughts of them out of your mind. Go to places you liked to go to together. If you liked to go to the park, go there. Maybe sit for a while and think of some of the fun things you did. And nobody said you have to put their collar and leash, toys, and bed away immediately. If it brings you comfort, leave them out until you're ready to let them go.
- Memorials – There are different ways to create memorials for your pet. There are markers available for you to place in your pet's favorite place in the yard. You can also make a photo album or scrapbook. Collect all the pictures of you and your pet, as well as a list of the fun you had together and add any little mementos you'd like to keep, such as their tags.
Finally, don't blame yourself. If your pet died while you were away from home, remember you couldn't be with him or her every minute. If the death was the result of an illness and there had been signs you missed, you didn't miss them purposefully. If you'd noticed them, you know you'd have taken care of them right away. In the end, taking your pet to the vet when it was too sick to go on is really an act of kindness, not cruelty. Don't think you could've done more than you did.
According to Juliet Kuehnle, grief “is the price we pay for loving something.” But when it comes to our pets, it's worth the price. Even after they're gone, we still feel special. You know that feeling will be passed on when you watch a video featuring a small child breaking into tears when the longed-for puppy or kitten is placed into their arms and you see the years of love and laughter and feeling special ahead of them.