In a high conflict divorce, children can fall into a precarious situation. When issues become battles, some parents may take advantage of their susceptibility by weaponizing their vulnerability in order to inflict pain and revenge on the other parent. This is known as parental alienation.
In parental alienation, one parent engages in a pattern of behavior that has the potential to permanently damage the relationship between the targeted parent and the child. Parental alienation is very difficult to prove, however, because it takes place mostly when the alienating parent and the child are alone.
Examples of parental alienation may be divided loosely into three categories:
Badmouthing or Emotional Sabotage. This consists of:
- Calling the targeted parent derogatory names in front of the child
- Blaming the targeted parent for the divorce
- Claiming the targeted parent is unstable
- Claiming the targeted parent doesn't care about the child and has not been trying to communicate with them
Manipulation. This consists of:
- Scheduling special fun activities during the targeted parent's scheduled visitation time, making them look like the bad guy if they don't allow the child to go with the alienating parent
- Buying the child expensive gifts
- Allowing the child greater freedom than they would have been allowed with the targeted parent, such as a later bedtime or forbidden treats
- Pretending to be hurt when the child has fun during the scheduled time with the targeted parent
Interference. This consists of:
- Encouraging the child to refuse to spend time with the targeted parent
- Interfering with the targeted parent's visitation schedule
- Not allowing the child to visit the targeted parent's extended family
- Not allowing the child to take personal items to the targeted parent's home
- Not allowing the child to bring or display items from the targeted parent's home, such as gifts
- Making important decisions concerning the child without any input from the targeted parent
Some children may recognize the alienating parent's strategy but say nothing for fear of hurting anyone's feelings. Those children who do believe what the alienating parent is telling them, however, see them as perfect and reject the targeted parent completely. They may insist that they have come to this decision with no outside influence, but when questioned closely, they can't give any good reason for their attitude. They become moody, turn away from friends and family, stop participating in activities they previously enjoyed, and start acting out.
If you suspect this is happening to your child, you must act quickly. The only way to prove parental alienation is with clear, hard evidence. Your greatest weapon is documentation. Document everything meticulously, such as:
- Missed visits and refusal to communicate. This can show the alienating parent is trying to keep the child away from the targeted parent
- Discussions with family, friends, and teachers. These people might have noticed the alienating behaviors taking place, as well as seen the resulting behavior from the child
- Behavior from the child. Note how and when the child begins to treat you differently, less respectfully, and what they say to you
- Email and texts from the alienating parent to the child. Keep copies or screen shots of any social media messages that contain demeaning language toward you.
- The court will also welcome objective evaluations from child psychologists, therapists, or guardian ad litems.
Parental alienation has no official diagnosis in Texas, but it is considered psychological abuse. It causes the child to suffer guilt that is not his or hers to endure, and it could possibly cost them their childhood, if not their entire family. If you feel like this is happening to your child, don't hesitate to hire a lawyer who knows this issue well and can help you stop this abuse quickly.